Holy Stick!

It sits with its pearly-whites glistening in the sunlight, prepared at any moment to come to the rescue of a muscle in distress. With no costume or cape to identify this underestimated super hero as such, it is humble. Neither a resident of Gotham nor Metropolis, and bearing a name of neither Wayne nor Kent, it is not the idol of many popular comics, but rather that of runners' magazines. What is this faceless, heroic entity? Its name, often whispered among the running community, wields great power. It is called...The Stick.

Who knew something so uncreatively-dubbed "The Stick" could be such an amazing little apparatus? It's essentially a self-massage tool that helps work out knots in muscles that are bound, at some point, to become stiff, sore, or tight in the sport of running. The Stick is like a runner's secret weapon against the many grievances of our muscles. When your muscles are whining, just whip out the handy dandy Stick and they will surely pipe down.

"What wonderous piece of technology could solve such pesky muscular woes?" you may be asking. Essentially, The Stick is a rod with plastic rollers on it. Talk about complexity! But The Stick's inventor, that genius of an individual, is my hero. Thank you, whoever you are, for this rod loosely adorned with large bead-like spindles!

For your unique muscles, The Stick comes in many individualized varieties, including Big Stick (for weightlifters and football players), Power Stick, Flex Stick (for those with lean muscle mass), Stiff Stick (to "penetrate heavy muscle mass"), Original Body Stick, Computer Stick (designed for the upper limbs), Sprinter Stick, Travel Stick, and Marathon Stick. I personally have the Marathon Stick, designed for long-distance runners and those with lean muscle mass.

The website of The Stick gives several general tips for use:

• Keep muscles relaxed during rollout
• Use on skin or through light clothing
• The Stick is waterproof and designed to bend without fear of breaking
• It is not necessary to hurt the muscle in order to help the muscle
• Most effective when used before, during and after periods of activity
• For pin-point rollout, slide hands onto spindles
• Excessive use may cause muscle soreness

Instructions for use are also offered, which essentially advise 20 progressively-deeper passes (roughly 30 seconds) over each healthy muscle group for a warm-up, and 20 additional passes over "trigger points" (i.e. "a bump or tender knot in the muscle). Their website also offers massage techniques for specific muscle groups, like the neck, shoulders, upper back, lower back, arms, and legs. Several techniques are also given in the pamphlet that comes with The Stick.

Essentially, the stick works like a rolling pin on the "dough" of the muscles, allowing you to bake up an epic performance and satisfy your knead for speed.